Today I’ll go wandering for half a day. I must get out of here for a bit. I have my thermo can, I’ll take some food with me, and I’m gonna enjoy the fine weather here. I wish I had a girl to take with me, or an angel like I thought some weeks ago, haha, but I guess I have to walk alone for now. I think lately I’m trying to be more normal. Having less of a focus on the supernatural but on everyday things. The mental issues that I have are hard to understand, but I know that most of it is just mental illness. I’m not really a freak, but I’ve touched the freakish when I wanted to have an angel as a girlfriend and stuff like that. Not only was that idea not alright with my Heavenly Father, it was also not quite alright with the fact that I am human and should mind either human or divine things. I guess there are evil angels who try to tempt us, holding humanity in contempt and trying to lure them away from the life we’re supposed to live. Not that we are merely chimps or stone breakers or cave dwellers or “sheep”, but we should live here differently than holding high our nose and thinking we’re the masters of the universe. We are called to be humble, only it must be a living, freely-breathing and joyful humility that we can only live with our Father, with Jesus, the lamb of God.
One thing I’m thinking of much is imagining Jesus’ way of speaking, which did not consist of screaming and shouting or making snide remarks but which was, I believe, soft and mild, quiet, and earnest. I don’t believe that Jesus was a big rhetorician, I don’t even think that Jesus, during His earthly life, was such a big brain. I hope nobody misunderstands me, but if someone were to measure Jesus’ IQ back then he would have gotten a 150, or 160, not infinity. Jesus was bright, but it was His wisdom and genius which counted, not his education or high IQ. The book of Hebrews in the bible speaks of Jesus praying much, with loud cries and emotionality. The bible also mentions Jesus being very afraid of the crucifixion in Gethsemane. Jesus wasn’t really omnipotent God walking around and moving a finger and things were accomplished. Instead Jesus was fully man, and acted like a servant of God, albeit the perfect servant. In order to atone for our sins, Jesus had to live a perfect life. He was Papa’s boy. The wonder of Jesus is not in his being an authority, it is in how he understood authority. And Jesus was limited, His freedom and might came from God the Father, not from Himself. God always listened to Jesus, but He wanted Jesus to live in a certain way, and Jesus always knew and understood and accepted that, and delighted in it.
We don’t really have to listen to people who claim an authority without being willing to sacrifice something for such a position. Without being willing to prove their love. Before we can demand something from someone, we need to prove our trustworthiness. And Jesus’ life with the many healings and such, and the cross and the resurrection, proves God’s trustworthiness.